Segni della Autostrada

Sometimes truth emerges after much thought and soul-searching. Other times it's while you're driving or performing other mundane tasks.

A few things that have occurred to me this week:

• Is there such a thing as organic fruit snacks? Yes. They're called raisins.
  
• If you want to learn a language try a children's music tape. When you awaken in the middle of the night you'll be singing yourself to sleep saying things like, "Il ragno fila la su hotella (sic)," or "Tante auguri a te, spendi li candellini!" or "Mi piace la spiagia."
  
• The Paradise Valley United Methodist Church needs a little instruction in verbage for their road signs. The sign that welcomes you to their driveway says, "It's the children, for Christ's sake." I don't think they mean it that way.
  
• It's easier to go back to work than to stay home with your child--easier on one's mental health anyway.
  
• I'm going to wrap some empty boxes for Stella to open for her birthday and Christmas because she prefers packaging to toys.
  
• I like hanging my clothes out to dry.
  
• If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.
  
• Who are the Joneses anyway? As in who is it that everyone is keeping up with these days? What's the norm--for anything?
  
• It's very easy to judge others. Yet I undoubtedly judge others incorrectly all the time.
  
• "Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."
  
  

Cutest Nonsense Ever

Little Stelly

Today I watched from afar as Stella played with another child. Or rather, she played near her. This girl was bigger and older. Stella had a little ball she was chewing on and this girl stole it from her. Not that big of a deal. Stella didn't cry. But she unwaveringly pursued that ball and attempted to retrieve it from the bigger girl. She failed. But she eventually stole a toy from a child smaller than herself.

Then tonight she had a bit of a fretful time falling asleep. I think her teeth must hurt her. Usually she cries and wants to be held. Tonight she lay in her crib and stared up at me, mouth agape, forlorned sounds coming from within and slowly sobbed herself unconscious. Kinda makes your heart break.

I prefer to remember her like this:

Hitting the Hay; or "Let's Go Take a Warm Bath, Get Lotioned Up, Read a Book and Get Our Back Rubbed"

Wouldn't you be ready to sleep? I know I would.

But Stella? She's all, "Please. This is so old. I want to thrash my limbs about some more."



"You don't seriously think you're getting rid of me so easily?"



"Sweepy? Am I sweepy? No. I am not."



"You doubt my powers. What is this book you want to read? It looks titillating, Mother. I'll sit still for all 300 pages. Commence reading your novel to me."

Get Caught Reading

Remember those reading posters that hung in the library when you were in school?

Hardly Deprived

Some people think it's odd that we don't have a TV. Some people think that Stella is deprived. The funny thing is that I haven't really noticed not having a TV for some time. I forget it is an option. That's not to say that I don't enjoy TV. I love The Food Network and I relish Law and Order marathons, but overall there's not a whole lot on the tube. This summer we spent a lot of time at Kathy's house. While we were there the TV was on. I watched Oprah regularly. It's true. And Stella tried out television, but as with most toys she receives these days, she's always more interested in some other aspect of the toy. As you can see she's fascinated with the buttons while the large screen looms overhead.

Nowadays she spends time pushing an Otter Pop box around our newly finished living room. Her grandma bought her a little car thing that you can push around and learn to walk with, but she prefers her box. Such is life.

Grandparent's Day 2006

Well, Hallmark, color me late. Does anyone else stay on top of this? I guess this is the problem with not having television--no commercials to remind me what to buy.

So, Grandparents-of-Stella, consider this a greeting from your one-and-only grandchild! She appreciates all you do for her and she looks forward to the oneupsmanship that she will be the benefactor of at her birthday party on November 18th. (Yes, mark your calendars!) She wants some cool things. She told me so.

Things Stella Has Put in Her Mouth During Our Hiatus

Bleu Cheese
Spicy Lentil Soup
Insulation
Cigar Tube
Clothes Pin
Kraft Mac-n-Cheese
Chalk
Sand
Dirt

And the dirt? Twice. On two separate occassions, like she enjoyed it and went back for more.

It's Something

This is the girl. And already this is a month old. I'm so out-of-shape for blogging. My mind is a blur and my right index finger has a cut that prohibits typing with ease.

Dereliction of Duty

Well, my computer is still elsewhere, but I've been getting the virtual hairy eyeball from people for not putting up recent pictures of Stella. Here are a few things that have happened:

• Stella can stand on her own
  
• I cut my finger on a can of turkey
  
• Tiny has chewed three toys
  
• My barking petition was DENIED!
  
• We finished Arrested Development Season 3
  
• Stella got a huge bug bite on her cheek so she looks like a chipmunk
  
• I switched to a beta version of Blogger and now I can't upload pictures!
  

What is with your luck? You still get no pictures of the cutest Stella in the world.

Service Temporarily Interrupted

We are enduring more technical difficulties over here. In the meanwhile, my husband learns to mix cocktails and Stella ages rapidly. Unfortunately, I have no proof of either.

American Terrorism

I was recently browsing other blogs when I came upon a video put together by a group called Improv Everywhere. Beside laughter, the other thing that struck me was a thought. This is an example of how Americans mobilize. In general, we are not getting together in people's basements trying to figure out how to ruin the lives of innocents to prove a point. We are joining groups that espouses the following on their FAQs page:

"Improv Everywhere is, at its core, about having fun. We're big believers in 'organized fun'. In the process we bring excitement to otherwise unexciting locales and give strangers a story they can tell for the rest of their lives."

Sometimes I try to wrap my head around what an American terrorist would look like. What kind of profile would they have? Then I think about different stereotypical Americans--the NASCAR fan who hangs a flag out front on race day, the quilting mother who wears applique vests, the lawn-mowing homeowner, the QT-stopping teenager getting 64 oz of soda for fifty-nine cents.

I know there are many other types. And I know that Americans, like all others, are capable of doing terrible things, but sometimes I'm struck by how really silly and naive we can be.

We like our chili fries and ICEEs. We like our cheap goods at Wal-Mart. We like really large lawn ornaments that require their very own electrically-powered fan and internally illuminating lights to signify the holidays. We like free toys in our cereal. We like the 65th edition of Garfield. We like Slo-Mo Home Depot shopping. And the really globally-minded Americans even like soccer. Maybe someone whose last name rhymes win Bwin Fladen needs to come take a trip down the aisle aisle and talk to the men with the orange aprons. Then again he might get the wrong message from their slogan meant to comfort the bumbling, suburban handyman: "You Can Do It. We Can Help."

If You Live in Phoenix

If you live in Phoenix and ever drive around let's have a little pow-wow about annoying traffic habits. Or, more specifically, places around town that are cause for situational ignorance.

Example A:
Shea Blvd and the 51 (aka Piestewa Freeway)

Have you ever driven West on Shea and approached the intersection with the 51 where one would normally prepare to get on that freeway headed South? Have you ever noticed that there are THREE entry lanes for this process? Have you ever purposely taken the far right lane when the other two are back up half a block? Have you ever been the only person doing so? Don't you feel slightly triumphant yet simultaneously slightly annoyed? Ignoring an entire lane that could facilitate the move of traffic onto the freeway is the kind of assanine behavior that increases traffic.

Next time on "If You Live in Phoenix":
the roundabout at Central and Mountain View.
Don't get me started.

"One Woman's House Still a Disaster One Year After Katrina"

This particular story on NPR really spoke to me today. Whoever this woman is, I feel a bond with her because, Sister, my house is still a disaster, too. How did we let it go on for so long? If we're going to go ahead and use major news events in our timelines, my house has been a disaster since they caught Saddam back in December 2003. FEMA, I need help. Hello? Actually, I think my chances are better with Oprah. Can you help a sister out? I hear that you love teachers.

The Best "Yes" Yet

Break out the formaggio*!

Three years ago today Jamie shocked me and all our friends and family by asking me to marry him. It wasn't the question so much as the brevity of our Italian courtship. As I type this our daughter is crying in the kitchen and I'm tired as a dog. Jamie gave her a bath tonight and sang his very own rendition of "Rubber Ducky" and it is for this reason that I say that accepting his proposal at the tender age of twenty-eight was my best "Yes" yet.


*formaggio=cheese is italiano

Ahh, You Tube

The things you find. Or rather, the things others find and then I find much later.



oh, and:



thanks to giantmonster.

Mmmm, Ham Salad

While at Nate's house I got to consume ham salad. I love ham salad. I was able to consume this while lounging in my bathing suit. I don't usually ham it up for videos in my bathing suit. But I figured since I recently cashed in on my one hour free personal trainer session at LA Fitness, now's as good a time as any.

Feel the burn.

They tried to get me to sign up for continuous personal training sessions. I declined. I had already memorized all that they had to say, "One, two, three, good job, four, five, six, keep it up, seven, eight, nine, way to go, ten, eleven, twelve, ok stop."

Click on the triangle to enjoy the following:
Stella's apparent satisfaction with herself and my incredibly long arms.

Stella Has a Full Day and You Get a Full Post

We went to Uncle Nate's house today for a little swim action. And how.

Stella: "I am the pole. Be one with the pole."
Alishia: "Just do it!"


Whenever we first arrive at Nate's house his dog Buster has a crystal meth moment where he cannot keep his cool. He barks like a coon dog and runs around the living room thinking that I've brought him a large chew toy. He takes some time to settle and then he gets right down to business. That business being Examining the Diaper Bag for Olfactory Cues of Buddy and Tiny. He follows this up with the Manual Investigation of Stella's Face With His Tongue. Meanwhile, Mercedes curls up on the floor to Lick the Carpet and Maintain Her Cool.

We proceed to the pool where Stella shows off her trendy babysuit. This year blue polka dots and ducks are what the cool kids wear.



Stella went under many times on purpose and once on accident. We were swarmed by the dogs who wanted ever-so-much to come in the pool. Nate wouldn't allow it. I'm guessing it's because once they're in, they insinuate their dog desires upon you. If they could speak they would say, "Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!"





"Yeah, um, totally not impressed with the bubbler."

Law & Order

People, I love Law and Order. I love it on television with Ice T and Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe and Mariska Hargitay and Richard Belzer. I love it when TNT has a L&O marathon. I've never been inside a real courtroom, however. And today? Today I'm supposed to go to my local police department and identify a picture of my neighbor, Barks With Dogs, so that the county prosecutor can pursue LEGAL ACTION. Holy Shit.

That's right. Holy. Because I love Jesus. And, Jesus, Lord God in Heaven Who owns the cattle on a thousand hills? I am scared.

These are my neighbors. They are on the other side of my wall. Their dogs bark and ruin my nights. I have to wear ear plugs. But my two little ninnies run around our backyard. What if Neighbor throws them a bone? A bone laced with cyanide? Little Tiny could not resist a bone. One bone for the two of them. They would fight. Fight over their death. Fight to the death like they do over their dry kibbles.

Ahhh, I'm conflicted. Law and order is difficult. Ice T, save me! Or maybe Kramer? Kramer took that little yippy dog that kept Elaine up all night and dropped him off in the country. Kramer?

It's Feast of Famine Over Here

I'm not sure whether or not I shared this footage of Stella. About three days after she tried standing she moved on to dancing. Prolific, I tell you.