The Thinks We Think

I became a Christian through the death of a friend. A young friend. I sometimes fall into a trap thinking that it was something meant to prepare me for a greater grief in my future. The loss of a child? A spouse? Another dear friend?

I have lost since the day my friend Matt died. In eighteen years how can one not lose something more? I even lost another dear friend before I was out of my teens. Life is such a short breath. Shorter for some.

I am at the stage in my life where lots of my contemporaries are having children. They are having children and some are losing them before they even get to hold them. This is a great sadness. It is a reminder, too, of how fragile and precious life is. It is such a shame (to myself) how frequently I take this for granted.

I read about other people's loss and I keep waiting for my own. And yet? Lord willing we will have a fourth child in less than twenty days. I am chastened by my own flippant attitude. By my worries about how much sleep I will get, how much work it will all require, how much my life will change.

We did not ask for this gift and yet we have been lavished. It took me time to be accepting. Is it my job to be excited and go out into the world with my chaotic little brood and give a face to humans who will be open to life? Being open to life also requires, demands, an openness to death and loss. I pray that these are not crosses that I (nor you) have to bear any time soon. But I cannot help but think of how it is all related when I am on the verge of meeting a new human.

Deo Gratias