Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Really: What's My Problem?

Where do I start? I have lots of "problems."

Not really.

I have problems with sharing: over-sharing, under-sharing, worrying about peoples' opinions of my sharing, people knowing things that I wouldn't share with them in person, (people knowing things by reading my blog and me not knowing that they read).

I split mental hairs over this. Then I think about all the people who share on their blogs and who really make a difference in my life. People I don't know. People I wouldn't recognize on the street.

The difference between them and me...am I too prideful?

It's embarassing to think about people knowing that I don't have all my life together. I have these four beautiful children and I'd like to have more but I (in no feasible way) have all this parenting of many small children thing figured out.

It's very humbling.

I want my children to know how very hard I tried. And even how very frequently I failed. And had to ask forgiveness. And had to think about how impatient and awful I was at night following a day of impatient spewing.

Stella likes to remind me to avail myself of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. "Mom, you know how you have to go and talk to the priest and tell him all the things you've done wrong?"

"Yes, my sweet," through clenched teeth.

2 comments:

Misha Leigh. said...

I like this post and it also makes me cringe. I get it. I really feel you on this one.

So not helpful, but I wish you had answers on it all to help me, too!

Jerry said...

If you give your children love and guidance and mix in a little patience and understanding they and you will survive.
In spite of myself and the lack of the last two, my kids turned out just fine and I love them all!