Saturday, February 23, 2013

Dear Hanson kids, I never meant to be away from this space for this long. I really don't have a good excuse. You guys don't take up so much of my time that I can't write. I know I make plenty of time at night for other things like watching Foyle's War and Downton Abbey. The only thing I can attribute it to is fear of man. I had a hard time in 2012. I was very concerned with what other people thought of me. This was a result of some relatively awful words that were spoken about me. About us. I let it bother me too much. I let myself waste time worrying about other people approving of our little (growing) Hanson family. There has been estrangement. It brought with it clarity. I wish I could say that I don't worry one bit about what people think, but it's not true. I still have a soul connected to a very human body that has the burden of this flesh. I worry but I work hard at overcoming those worries. And I do it first for Jesus. Then I do it for your father and then for you. I love people. And I also get annoyed by people. I am loved and I get annoying. This is life. This is why the Lord's prayer is such a good reminder: forgive us and we forgive those who trespass against us. I'm working on it. It's working. But I've wanted to record here in this space all that you mean to me. All that you have brought into my life. All the transformation. During this Lent I have felt more and more that it was necessary to start again. I've been tempted to make this blog private so that I don't incur ANY criticism. But I have been so encouraged by other people and their writing about their lives--their everyday normal lives--that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not because I have such amazing and profound things to say, but just because after all this time it seems like it's what I'm supposed to do. I have a story to tell. It's your story, too. And I wish I had more of my parents' stories. I wish I had a collective memory of theirs. That is for another time. I am starting anew. And I will laugh at myself if I don't write anything again for months. You are my gifts. My third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh gifts. Immediately following Jesus and your father. Love, Mom

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