Law & Order

People, I love Law and Order. I love it on television with Ice T and Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe and Mariska Hargitay and Richard Belzer. I love it when TNT has a L&O marathon. I've never been inside a real courtroom, however. And today? Today I'm supposed to go to my local police department and identify a picture of my neighbor, Barks With Dogs, so that the county prosecutor can pursue LEGAL ACTION. Holy Shit.

That's right. Holy. Because I love Jesus. And, Jesus, Lord God in Heaven Who owns the cattle on a thousand hills? I am scared.

These are my neighbors. They are on the other side of my wall. Their dogs bark and ruin my nights. I have to wear ear plugs. But my two little ninnies run around our backyard. What if Neighbor throws them a bone? A bone laced with cyanide? Little Tiny could not resist a bone. One bone for the two of them. They would fight. Fight over their death. Fight to the death like they do over their dry kibbles.

Ahhh, I'm conflicted. Law and order is difficult. Ice T, save me! Or maybe Kramer? Kramer took that little yippy dog that kept Elaine up all night and dropped him off in the country. Kramer?