Stella Has a Full Day and You Get a Full Post

We went to Uncle Nate's house today for a little swim action. And how.

Stella: "I am the pole. Be one with the pole."
Alishia: "Just do it!"


Whenever we first arrive at Nate's house his dog Buster has a crystal meth moment where he cannot keep his cool. He barks like a coon dog and runs around the living room thinking that I've brought him a large chew toy. He takes some time to settle and then he gets right down to business. That business being Examining the Diaper Bag for Olfactory Cues of Buddy and Tiny. He follows this up with the Manual Investigation of Stella's Face With His Tongue. Meanwhile, Mercedes curls up on the floor to Lick the Carpet and Maintain Her Cool.

We proceed to the pool where Stella shows off her trendy babysuit. This year blue polka dots and ducks are what the cool kids wear.



Stella went under many times on purpose and once on accident. We were swarmed by the dogs who wanted ever-so-much to come in the pool. Nate wouldn't allow it. I'm guessing it's because once they're in, they insinuate their dog desires upon you. If they could speak they would say, "Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!Throwmytoy!"





"Yeah, um, totally not impressed with the bubbler."

Law & Order

People, I love Law and Order. I love it on television with Ice T and Vincent D'Onofrio and Kathryn Erbe and Mariska Hargitay and Richard Belzer. I love it when TNT has a L&O marathon. I've never been inside a real courtroom, however. And today? Today I'm supposed to go to my local police department and identify a picture of my neighbor, Barks With Dogs, so that the county prosecutor can pursue LEGAL ACTION. Holy Shit.

That's right. Holy. Because I love Jesus. And, Jesus, Lord God in Heaven Who owns the cattle on a thousand hills? I am scared.

These are my neighbors. They are on the other side of my wall. Their dogs bark and ruin my nights. I have to wear ear plugs. But my two little ninnies run around our backyard. What if Neighbor throws them a bone? A bone laced with cyanide? Little Tiny could not resist a bone. One bone for the two of them. They would fight. Fight over their death. Fight to the death like they do over their dry kibbles.

Ahhh, I'm conflicted. Law and order is difficult. Ice T, save me! Or maybe Kramer? Kramer took that little yippy dog that kept Elaine up all night and dropped him off in the country. Kramer?

It's Feast of Famine Over Here

I'm not sure whether or not I shared this footage of Stella. About three days after she tried standing she moved on to dancing. Prolific, I tell you.

Hansonian Principle© #89A

"Whoever requests the beverage controls the beverage"
For instance, if you have the foresight to purchase a Lingonberry ICEE at IKEA to quench your thirst during the ride home, you have earned the right to consume 85% of that ICEE on your own. It is OK that your fellow rider gets only 15%. In fact, they should consider your generosity outstanding.

Later, if you have the foresight to request a Dr. Pepper at Quiznos and your fellow rider forfeits their soft drink purchase, you have earned the right, once again, to control that beverage. You may share or you may not--it is your decision.

This is a Hansonian Principle©. One should merely consider it advice. It is not canonical. We are not responsible for any familial repercussions of lapses injudgmentt as a result of following these principles. They do not always align with accepted social norms. (see sharing, sacrifice)

Cue Music: Back in the Saddle

It's amazing how many things I think about writing throughout the day that I never sit down to write about...that being said. I wrote this a few days ago but Blogger was being insubordinate and refusing to upload my photos.

I will say this: Jamie's home, our house is on the mend and I will probably be having neighbor issues--and how! Perhaps my neighbors didn't watch much Mr. Rogers growing up; perhaps they are borderline white trash; perhaps they are deaf and dumb--as in Helen Keller; or perhaps they are inconsiderate, irresponsible SOBs who like to collect cranky dogs that bark in the wee hours. Either way, my petition has been filed with the County Prosecutor's Office and I will await the drama. Good thing our roof will be extra fortified to repulse any attacks. Just knowing this fact soothes many of my fears.

Here is a picture of our happy family. Yes, this is an old picture. Stella still had her slim, pre-solids figure that fit into her party pants. Those pants were appropriate because she was at a party. You can also tell because I am partaking of libations.



Oh, she wasn't ready for the camera, she had her fist in her mouth.

Much better:

My Wheeler Dealer

He went to Ireland.
He returned.
He bought an exotic vehicle.

I Know This Ain't No Hurricane Katrina, But Monsoons Deserve Some Street Cred, Yo

Intimations on the Much-Anticipate Monsoon 2006 as it carves its lengthy swath through the valley yet manages to touch two families united forever through the bonds of holy matrimony and now also united through the strangehold of Monsoon 2006

Rock-a-bye, Baby,
In the treetop
When the wind blows
Our roof will come off

When the bough breaks
The lightening will strike
And burn down the Muller's garage
Foundation and all

Bloggability: 100%

I am sitting in my kitchen. I have a vantage point into my living room where I can see my love seat drenched with water, covered in insulation and cruched beneath sheet rock. Yes, People, I have long disrespected the monsoons, almost taunting them with my doubt of their power. They have repaid my derision with concise action. Specifically, they have rained my roof down upon my living room thereby ruining my beautiful paint job but enabling me to get new furniture and rip out the carpet that I didn't want. Yes, They have caused the timeline for a new look in the living room to be sped up. Thank You, Jesus. Thank You in advance for my new couch and my stained concrete floors.

When Stella and I walked into the living room this morning she looked at the wreckage and then looked at me something like this:



I kid you not. It was so funny to me because SHE KNEW something was not right. I'm sure she knew. That look on her face I will never forget.

Now, tell me whose couch isn't a little cozier with some roofing insulation piled on top?



I'll tell you whose. Mine, that's whose. Mine and anybody's that has a HUGE GAPING HOLE RIGHT ABOVE TO LET RAIN FALL DOWN UPON MY GUESTS' HEADS.



Here's the sunroof Jamie's always 'pined' for. Get it? Pined? Exposed wood?



And last but not least, this is what my house looks like tonight while I sit here watching The Colbert Report. I tell you what. I might get cable just for Mr. Colbert.



I'm just thankful that no one was hurt and I can sit here and celebrate the "kick assedness" of the United States with Mr. Colbert. I'm also thankful Stella still made it to her gym class with GoGo because that means she got good n' worn out. She also got her hair pulled.

Oh, This Girl, I Love This Girl

Look at those chubby little drumstricks.

A Welcome Rain Falls Not Softly

A heat wave swallows a majority of the continental US, but here in Arizona high heat is expected. This time of the year we are waiting for our monsoons to bring some relief. It can be 118 degrees and suddendly drop thirty degrees in a matter of thirty minutes. The drastic drop is due to the thunder clouds that linger in the horizon most days only to dissipate like our hope for relief. Yesterday, however, those lingering clouds followed through with their flirtations. This is what Phoenicians wait for all summer. Once these clouds deliver, we emerge from out homes and gawk. We don't see rain that often.

I took Stella out to experience the monsoon. She approached the falling rain gingerly but made a beeline for all the pebbles to shove them in her mouth.

It smelled like desert rain and creosote--it smelled like much-anticipated relief.

A Visit to FAC's House

FAC stands for Favorite Aunt Cindy. Stella participated in pool festivities on a much maligned cloudy day. I loves me some clouds in the summer. Makes me feel like I'm living in Seattle again (sigh).

We thought that the juxtaposition of Stella next to this pole was funny.

Right now she's watching Sesame Street and bouncing around in her little crib thing. I love it. Thank you, Muppets!

I've been thinking about content lately. That doesn't mean I'll be adding a lot of content, just that I've been thinking about it and how there are other things I would like to write about such as:

the best roast chicken I've ever made. I followed one of Julia's recipes and while it had many steps the ingredients were not difficult. It just requires repetitious basting of the chicken in the oven. And I love to cook. There is something so relaxing about it. I can't describe it. I think I want to start a French coooking club. Any takers? Even cyber takers? We could cook recipes on the same day and share results. I mean, there are craft blogs out there thay display people's craft results...why not a cooking blog that posts people's attempts at cooking a meal, perhaps even setting the table pretty AND cooking a meal? OH MY GOSH, I think I've had and epiphany in the middle of the day instead of the middle of the night when I neglect to write it down and then forget about it!

Reader Participation

There's only one thing she does with such intense concentration. Can you guess?

My Little Person

There is a direct correlation between the bigger and more active that Stella gets and the number of:
a) hours I sleep
b) words I write
c) magazines I read

Primus Zoous

That's layman's Latin for first zoo. We went to the zoo yesterday courtesy of AAA and Grandpa Jerry. We arrived as early as we could to try to avoid the heat. Regardless, it was hot around nine and we'd only been there just over an hour. I could not take any more! There's a cool spider monkey exhibit where you get to walk in amongst the monkeys. They are literally inches in front of you. It's so funny to see these little tiny monkey faces. I loved it because I've always wanted to have a pet monkey. Then I remembered that Jamie's godfather, John McCarthy, had a monkey. If only I'd known him then...

Anyway, we got up close and personal with a peacock that was showing off for his woman. I was amazed, but Stella was more amazed with the other children that were there. That is why her head is craning in the opposite direction of the beautiful feather display.



And here are the two of them at the Phoenix Zoo Star Wars Memorial entry railing. If you live in Phoenix, or grew up in Phoenix, then you should know what I'm talking about.

Stella's Big Trucking Accident

Stella has a big fire truck to play with at Grandpa Jerry's house. She loves her a fire truck. She uses it to stand up and take inventory of her toys. However, today she barely survived a rollover accident. Ahhh, Providence, You must have a plan for her.

The First Victim of Stella's Mobility

A terracotta pot in my father's living room. Her only saving grace is that she looks cute on the prowl.

Her President is Charlton Heston

Roasted Tiny Hoof

Julia Child might've introduced America to the pleasures of French bourgeois cooking, however neither of her voluminous collaborations included the preparation of Tiny Aspic. Stella is taking haute cuisine and the introduction of solids to a new level. With such derring-do she might end up on the professional wrestling circuit someday. Here she is getting ready to make contact with the delicate little copper-colored foot of our very own Miniature Pinscher, Tiny. Having just lost his "boys" to the vet, he was surprisingly docile and submissive.

Dad and Grandpa

Which is which?

Hiccup

Stella's first Father's Day sans father. Do you detect a Summer 2006 trend? No hard feelings here. Really. There aren't. Her father's not happy about this either. He's drowning his sorrows in Guiness on the other side of the world. So, this is not vindication, just reality. Reality blogging, if you will.



Riveting video:

In a Flash

Stella has flourished in her father's absence. I am not saying these two things are connected or dependant upon each other, merely that she has learned to pull herself up to standing.















Later...

All Julia All the Time

Well, my trusty iBook is on a trip to Memphis. Perhaps Lil' Betty will get to see Graceland and do an impersonation that rivals that of Japanese Prime Minister Junichiro Koizumi. If not, I'll just be happy to have her home so I can post pictures so I don't lose my two readers--my mom and my sister. I might've lost around 500 photos. This made Kathy gasp. She doesn't know that 500 photos represents only about two to three days in the life of the Hanson family. I am nothing if not a prolific photographer.

Anyway, in my laptop's absence I've been sallying forth in my knowledge of Julia Child. She was a fascinating character--and very tall. She had a dream kitchen made to fit her height. This is my eventual goal. You can visit her kitchen at the Smithsonian Institute.

Anyway, I've been reading the biography of her life in France. I've also been reading Julie Powell's book about her great Project. Such fun.

I've also been watching Julia on some DVDs from the library. And I have another Julia Child biography that I'm going to start and then it's on to the Mastering the ARt of French Cooking. I think I'll try me a recipe--but I won't be cooking all 524 of them like Mrs. Powell.

I highly suggest Julie and Julia and My Life in France. I think the thing I like most about Julia is not just the cooking as much as her zest for life. She didn't start cooking until her thirties after she had a great lunch of sole mariner in France. She maintained that the lunch changed her life. She lived with gusto and found her passion and I can't get enough of her.

Perhaps someday we'll make some crepes together in the Big Kitchen in the sky!

"I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate." Julia Child

Dag Bloggit!

I had an exquisite post and not only did my computer freeze but it broke. We have to visit the Mac store today. And lest you ever have to wait in line at their store, know that they don't like to make lists with paper--no! Internet only!

Here's our JW Marriott vacation in five short pictures:

They give you a Pack-N-Play! For free! Stella hammed it up.



The rest are photos of our nighttime carousing. More later. Ahhh][[p]
{"P Nothing's sacred...here comes Stella and her pounding hands!

-0p'

Qwerty

Let's get a few things straight. Stella has no time for dillydallying. A quick cup o' joe in the AM and she's out the door to the office.



The dress code is business casual. This allows for full range of motion. Let's check on her typing posture:



Well, there's room for improvement--a girl's gotta have something to work on.

Moving on. It's time for a stop by the water cooler; catch up on some gossip, crack a few jokes, share some smiles, build goodwill with her employees, natch.



In the middle of a long day, she takes time for a power lunch, no time for jarred food--she wants carrots and 'tates straight up with butter.



Stella indulges her European soul. She's an "afternoon beer and siesta" kind of gal. But as soon as the REM is over, she wants to jet.



This is who she is. This is how she got that way.

Please, no autographs. We'll let you know when she goes public--as in NYSE, as in bright lights, big city. We'll sign you up for text message updates, we'll instant message you, we'll put you on myspace, we'll give you a subscription. Right now, she' got to go network. Because if there's one thing she's learned, it's not what you know--it's who you know.

Suddenly Our Zoos Seem Boring

"Although accurate numbers are hard to come by, lore has it that hippos kill more people each year than lions, elephants, leopards, buffaloes and rhinos combined."

However, at the Amsterdam Zoo, you can feed the hippo. While holding a small child in your arms.

A Blast From the Past (Literally!)

This is a fecal family favorite. Turn up your volume:

Two Years Ago

Two years ago this was the baby of the family. We've come very far, folks.

The Squinch

How the Squinch Stole Much Laughter:

This is the story of my young little Stell. Right now she snoozes at my side while her father rubs elbows with the sons of Supreme Court justices. Or just one son.

Anyway, let's talk about Stella's most recent acquired skill. Heretofore referred to as The Squinch. I swear to you she uses this to win friends and influence people. She already knows how to be funny. Because when people laugh at her squinching, she does it some more. This is what shall be called from here on out Very Funny Stuff, people. She knows where her bread is buttered.

High on the Hog

Right now I am doing what is called piggybacking. It involves a laptop, wireless capabilities and a neighbor's unguarded wireless internet connection. It makes me wonder how many others have used our wireless network. It makes me wonder if my Neighbors Whose Dogs Bark have piggybacked. I wonder what they'll think when they receive a summons from the county prosecutor's office about their barking dogs. Wouldn't it be funny if they were reading this?

Get in Line!

People far and wide have been writing to me. Here are some quotes from their concerned and eager emails:

"Hey, I want to see the baby!"

"More pictures of Stella, please."

"When will you give us what we want?"

I relent.

Here are some glimpses into Stella's new summer "schedule."

Memorial Day weekend we made a trip to Nate and Stasia's house (aka Uncle and Aunt). Stella "swam" and enjoyed the splashing of one very zealous young swimmer named Michael. He was trained at the world renowned Encanto Park Pool home of the $6 for two weeks swim lessons. Crazy!

OK, who am I kidding? I cannot keep up with Jamie's chronicling, so let's take a walk down memory lane. As Stella recently turned six months (she's almost seven months, once again, who am I kidding?) and weighs 16.2 pounds and is 27.5 inches long (around the size of Jared Barrett at four months!) let's remind ourselves how far she's come.

Ha ha ha. Pass the cream and sugar, get a cookie and have a little sit down.

Remember how beautiful she was when she was born? Of course not. Let me remind you:

Ahh, how placid and restful were the salad days of late 2005.

Here's Grandma Keek staring at me in disbelief. What did I just reveal?Me: "Kathy, I hope Stella does not inherit your lack-of-butt, your concave butt, your butt deficit."
Kathy: " "

I harken back to April 2006. We were wrapping up Auntie CJ's Longest Visit to Arizona Since High School. I decided to celebrate by not zipping my fly. Stella decided to Technicolor Yawn.



Really, this is just a blogging chug to try and get me back in action.

neat

Ergo Ipso Facto Ad Nauseum

Jamie, or rather, Iacobus, has a friend, Lucas, who calls with some frequence to partake of some friendly Latin conversation. When this occurs I am reminded my husband's unique character. These conversations usually take up the better part of an hour and involve Latin and deep laughter, at least on this end of the phone. If you were in my house you might be privy to this:

Phone vibrating!

"Hello. Salve, salve."

"Noli turbare circulos meos!"

"Celerius quam asparagi cocuntur."

"Oh, Lucas, da mi basia mille, deinde centum, deinde mille altera, deinde centum."

"Ha ha ha. Ho ho ho."

"Quid? HA! Cogito ergo sum"

"Ha, ha ha! Veni, vini, vici! In vino veritas!"

"Germania in Europa est!"

And then, as quick as it started it's over--like Renee Zellweger's marriage! Of course, I am no Latin scholar, so the conversational example is strictly from memory and a few notes I jotted down last night.

Not to mention a little help from another website.